Wednesday, May 9, 2007
ultrasound tomorrow
blood test results also out tomorrow
sigh
i'm really weird man.
why am i getting excited over it? i'm even hoping there's something wrong!
just imagine. IMAGINE. i've a rather serious problem, then i'll be back in singapore by TOMORROW NIGHT! how cool is that? and to top it all, i can even REQUEST for emmanuel's presence! what can they do, i'm having a serious problem.. and i'll most probably be able to get what i want. i want my darling =(
"Loving you always, emmanuel..." how sweet is that? :)
he's such a cool boy
we talked last night for 40 minutes, was so beautiful.
i love it when we have things to talk about, i really do.
and we go on and on and on..
just hearing each others' voices rock.
i felt so happy and "peaceful" after i put down the phone..
had a great sleep :)
although i only slept for 3.5hours
i was SUPER awake today, perhaps due to the coffee? i really dont know if it actually has an effect on me. how would you know anyway.
he smsed me in school again!
it's really cool when you dont expect things to happen and they do.
good friend = underwear - always cover you
better friend = condom - always save you
boyfriend = VIAGRA - when you're down, he keeps you up!
rofl... muacks
Haha man, made me smile! today we webcammed for an hour, but didnt really have much to talk about.. bit stagnant sigh but oh wells, at least ended alrightly, with my hospital talk and all that. promised to tell him if theres anything wrong with me.
had those weird thoughts again.. sigh about kelvin koay.
it's definitely not that i like him or anything, NO WAY. NEVER.
i just.. "pity" him?
like the way he doesn't sit on our table at union house, one person on the other..
he doesnt sit in lectures with us, well sometimes
he doesnt talk
he does his own things
he seems to be an outcast now, if you ask me.
in a way, i'm happy. like now he finally knows what he's been doing.
i really want to tell him in the face "you asked for it"
but somehow, i always get this sympathetic feeling.
is he feeling inferior to us thats why?
does he have his own problems thats why he usually cant join us?
does he.. SIGH i don't know!
sometimes, i feel like just "reaching" out to him, ask him what's wrong?
just be a friend who will listen to him..
like today, i really wanted to do it..
was talking to phey yee about it as we were walking to lecture.
HOWEVER
during the lecture, i got pretty "pissed" with him.. like he's UNBELIEVABLE.
i was in between jac and phey yee, and we 3 didnt know which slide the lecturer was talking about, cos he was jumping all over the place. as we were copying it down, i suddenly realised that it was printed and told the girls. NATURALLY, i also glanced to see if kelvin knew, cos he was sitting next to phey yee, i mean its just a reflex thing! and i realised that he knew all along. i'm like ???! why didn't he SAY anything! how selfish man. he's really such a person sometimes.
and then i felt so... "pissed" with myself.
one moment i was "sympathising" with him, and the next i'm scolding him in my head. moreover, i'm wondering why in the WORLD was i even thinking of pitying him in the first place? split personality or something? SHEESH. i just couldnt stand myself, like sometimes i can actually talk to him, we talk like normal friends. but other times.. i can be scolding him in my head and "complaining" to pheyyee.. hypocrite? Goodness. just shut up will you.
10:12 PM.
