Thursday, May 31, 2007
talked with shir a little.
saw charles's blog abit.. it's really heart wrenching.
i don't know why they're apart and yearning for each other.. but they must have their own reasons. sigh. it is touching though, and sad to read how he misses her and his thoughts etc. his english is really good i must say. anyway, yeah she's going to help me ask emmanuel out for boxers shopping! haha. i really really hope i can go out man. god please help me. i dont want them to be suspicious why im in a hurry to go out asap. once i reach singapore. sigh. you think i'll be allowed after church on sunday? i really really must.. please.
sigh, was thinking about telling my parents again and i just dont know how. its like i'm heading for suicide? i'm scared to see daddy blow, if he does. i'm afraid i'll raise their suspicions and it'll be harder for me to see him again.. its either i succeed which is a very very small chance or they get suspicious. sheesh man. it sucks. yes i know i can hide it from them but.. it's so mind tiring. and i really do love emmanuel. but how to say? i'm too young, what is love? how would i know? how to answer? looking from their perspective, yes i'm rather young, just 18 only! and i got 10 years of studying to do? why hurry rachel. what makes you so sure you want to get "tied" down to emmanuel now? so early?
i think mummy's being selfish sometimes. if he likes you, he'll wait for you. but come on, who is in their right mind to wait for you? why be so selfish and make everyone wait for you? you think you're all that great and powerful, you can control others' hearts, make them bow down to you and then you slowly make your pick? what the? and mum, its not only one way. not like those who like me come and i will choose the best. what about who I like? which i like? its not everytime that the two of you love each other. please mum. i really love emmanuel. he's such a great guy, seriously. he's so faithful and loving.. despite his army friends who always ask him why he doesnt get sick of smsing his gf or why not get another girl in singapore..
because i love her that is so so sweet. sigh. where can you get such a wonderful guy? honestly mum and dad, i don't mind if you want to meet him, i can take him to church, he'll be glad to meet you all.. but it just scares me you know, to see their faces, their stern angry faces.. please, please allow me. i know i'm too young to you but really, i've never been so sure of something in my life. i'm willing to risk this, i've given him my heart. you can't fault me for that, it's not a choice all the time.. i've never loved anyone else, if this relationship for any reason, fails. i'm willing to take it. i want to give us a chance. please mum and dad, i love him. i really do. please, i beg you. allow us? thats the greatest wish i have of you. please. please god, help me. that they'll be open, that you'll convince them, that you'll give me the right words to say, please my lord.
9:50 PM.
