Thursday, May 24, 2007
sigh. he's so sick again.. why? over the last few months he's been having weird and strange viruses.. makes me worried only. i feel bad about feeling the way i did about him last night.. he's probably sick thats why he said things like that, i shouldn't blame him. although its not his first time, but still.. be accomodative la. not like it's such a huge issue anyway right rachel? be more flexible! relax man.
today at practical, i was so stressed out. i couldn't understand what the heck they were talking about, the blood pressure thing, roreal what man!! was feeling so damn freaking pissed at my idiot-ness, i didn't eat lunch. must study man. roreal. dots! at the library right after practical, i saw emmanuel's message and read how sick he was.. and i was feeling so stressed. i had so many things on my mind, i was so destressed, i just put my head down on my hand and could feel my tears still coming out from my closed eyes. i got tons to study, i don't understand the practical, my boyfriend is so sick, i was disappointed in him last night.. i felt so terrible. but i replied him nicely, without talking about my stress of course. come on, he's so sick, why want him to worry about you too? think about it man. luckily i didn't write anything on my blog that might show how i felt about him last night. i wouldn't want him feeling worried or anything even though he's so sick.. sigh sometimes, i guess.. it's better to keep things to yourself. it's better not to let him know when you're feeling down or stressed, it might just automatically go away. a while later you might just look back and wonder why you felt that way at that time. you know the way sometimes, people say things to make it sound different from what they're actually saying? like if they're troubled, they show it on their msn nicks but when they talk, they say theres nothing wrong bothering them.. they're just trying to act ok.. but actually they want others to know that they're not, through the nicks? yeah. i've learnt not to do that. when i'm down or anything, just be down quietly, you dont have to let others know all the time that you're actually feeling something different from what you're saying. for example, the other time i messaged emmanuel and he didnt reply right, because he wasnt with his phone.. then he messaged me the next day saying he's so sorry and all that.. and i replied it's okay! yeah. if i had said it's okay in a "i'm not okay tone" then it's like making him feel worse. so i said "its okay!" - sounding like i'm really really okay. am i making sense? dont know.
sigh. God please cure emmanuel. make him strong please.
why does he always fall sick?
4:53 PM.
