Tuesday, May 15, 2007
rather dazed cos didn't sleep enough.
have been daydreaming today about telling mum and dad about having a boyfriend.
try telling them in june again?
asking them rather.
hmm i dont know... but i think it'll be so screwed up if they find out themselves.
they should know that there isnt anything they can do if i want to be attached right?
since i'm studying overseas also..
you think so?
argh.
it's so not the right time to be thinking about this
i have to study
pharmacology is going to be tough
and ICM tomorrow. SHEESH. i forgot about it.
gotta do now.
i'm getting stressed
and tired.
sigh.
and about andrew.
sometimes i just get SO irritated with him for no reason. i dont know why. that's so bad of me i know but like today, i just do not feel like talking to him at all. i find everything he talks about - LAME. or he talks as if he knows everything about me. well not true of course but.. i just get so sian and sick and tired and all that crap. why him? i have NO IDEA. and i feel bit bad, well not really but, i should cos this is wrong. but. arghh. i think i always feel like this whenever i feel he likes me. like the last few days, he calls about work.. i dont know, but i just have this feeling in me that he does like me. and you think that results in me getting irritated with him? i just suddenly dont want to have anything to do with him. dont know any work? dont ask me. sick of studying? dont tell me. sigh! his msn chatting is full of the same emoticon - HAHAHA. or he pretends to 'act cool' by saying "DUhh.." or "righttt" or "wadevaaa" etc. and there isn't that much substance in them either. why do some people chat for the sake of chatting? like he says "i'm bored... what are you doing? i'm just talking to anyone online for fun" SIGH okayy. anything. yesterday i asked him to find out more about his godsister's friend who just passed away due to lack of menstruation and some problem with hormones.. and he keeps asking if it's about me. i'm saying no and he says he's reading in between the lines. i'm like thinking, COME ON andrew. if i say it's not me, STOP pretending to know me so well. i hate it. in school, when people ask if i've eaten, he'll answer for me say "NO..." and even though i say yes he'll say 'NO... righttt.. don't bluff" i'm like wth? or if they ask where i'm going.. he'll talk for me "of course la library, where else?" DOTS. like today, he did the same thing, and instead of saying anything.. i just walked with him and phey yee towards the library then say okay bye, i'm going home. going to rain already. yup bye. see, you don't KNOW me. give me a break! i'm attached to emmanuel. i love him with all my heart, and i don't want you pretending to be know-it-all, clinging on to me.
anyway, even though you may CLAIM you like me, i highly don't think so. or maybe just a friend thing thats all! you don't KNOW anything about love. you're a passive guy. you wont stand up for me, i bet you if anyone says anything negative about me, you'll just say "oh okay", you don't CARE about me. like at the library, at 7 plus, it's all dark already. we leave the library. your brother comes and fetch you, you say bye! and thats it. i know i'm asking too much, but just a thought, won't you care about someone you like walking home alone in the dark? maybe you could even ask your brother if he can drop me off on the way home? i might not even agree and want to walk home myself, but at least have that thought occurring to you? it doesnt come naturally? or like emmanuel's letter thing, i mean. if it's for someone you like, won't you try your best to help? and don't make empty promises? at least feel sorry for disappointing me? look andrew. you don't like me. no. i will never like you in that way. all you feel about me, is as you said, we share some things in common. and thats just not enough to love me. it's not about things like that. we are just friends. you like me as a better friend thats all. but you dont love me. understand? just give me a break man! i'm so sick and tired of you. don't talk to me today. thanks.
god, what is wrong with me.
why am i feeling like this?
argh
2:05 PM.
