Thursday, May 17, 2007
okay. left 8.8 and 9.1 for embryology. thats all. how long will i take for that? i dont know. sigh. i'm feeling very tired now. i wanna sleep.. sigh. came online to internet sms emmanuel, thought maybe i could message him home today or something. but he hasn't replied. or rather, he stopped replying after the first reply :( probably he's at home practising already or something.. he's got mass tonight. such a busy day for him man. i might not talk to him today, quite tired really. don't know what time his mass will end too. probably late.
he forgot about his poor lil girl's reply. goodness :( such a busy boy. will go back to studying soon.. i will persevere. i wanna do my best in everything i do. guess that is the right attitude but sometimes.. like the last few days, i've been thinking. am i being too over-ambitious? i want to be the best in studying medicine and also in violin, all at the same time? sometimes you gotta choose you know rach? like this japan trip. how? you want to skip class, risk marks, for your music? i'm pretty much convinced i'm going already. dont think otherwise anymore rach. luckily i didnt like complain to people or rather, talk to people about my 2nd thoughts.. why would you want to bother others? when after a while, you'd be able to sort everything out yourself.
i'm glad i'm different now. as in, like the attitude to my school stuff. i do my best, and study. and the cool thing is, i don't feel anything after getting back my results. as in like the last 2 tests, were pretty bad. but i didnt feel sad or anything. why? perhaps because i did my best or something.. even my HP wasn't really that good, but it was better than a couple of people. and i'm okay with it. i did put in my effort. i used to feel very down and all that when i got back my results.. thank God i'm better now.
although our convo wasn't "ideal" because he was obviously rushing for time and feeling so stressed.. it ended with i love yous.. it's amazing how words like dear, darling, love, babe, girl just makes everything else disappear :)
hope i still improve for tomorrow's test. 13/20 , 14/20.... don't be complacent rachel. you havent finished studying. laugh AFTER that, sekali cannot finish. K.O. man.
and andrew called to ask about pharmacology. sigh. by listening right, like after he asked already and we had nothing to say... he just held on.. as if wanting to study with the line still running. i just said 'oh haha okay la, you go and study' and he got it. bye.
i finally realise something. you know like how we always think to ourselves, it's so easy to do well. just study and yeah it's done. as long as you know everything, you'll confirm get full marks. isn't that right? it does make a whole lot of sense. but not everyone CAN do that. even though they want to study, they can't. like phey yee is soo pro. it's like i know i should do all my hp readings, read lectures beforehand etc. but i don't do it. it's finally like dawning upon me. i understand it now. so i'm going to be like phey yee. don't be afraid that it'll be hard to rise up against the rest rachel. dont think its impossible. yes everyone knows what to do to be the top, but not everyone can do it. it's up to you. GO RACH! STUDY EMBRYOLOGY AND LAUGH after that.
i wonder how long it'll take.
god help me.
5:54 PM.
