Friday, May 4, 2007
i'm missing you so much, you can't imagine, i can't imagine myself.
i miss your hug,
i miss the way you look at me,
i miss your smile,
i miss your kisses,
i miss your arms around me,
i miss seeing you turn the corner from the other end of level 7,
i miss you.
watching spiderman just now, it was great! wished i was watching with my dear though. it's probably one of the first times when i don't mind watching it again, especially with him. during the last half an hour, i had difficulty breathing. well, it's like i couldn't breathe deeply, my heart would hurt.. it went away though, about an hour later. got this last year too, when emmanuel was watching tv in my room.. strange thing but oh well. maybe nothing big. anyway, i didn't cry until the end part. when toby stretched out his hand for kirsten to hold.. i remembered the beach. and at that moment, i just missed him so much. i've never really missed anyone so much before.. like the way i felt so sad when i sent him off at the airport here. sigh. i only remember one other time, when i was probably 6 years old? i couldn't sleep one night, kept imagining what would happen if daddy had an accident or something happened to the plane.. after a while i couldn't take it and went to hug mummy, tearing. oh yeah and then there was also one other time, when i first arrived in melbourne.. daddy sent me an sms saying he just found my photo - probably primary 1 or something and said "time flies." at that moment, i felt so sad. i've never heard him talk like that before.. i actually started crying and mummy asked what the matter was..
usually, i'm really conservative. people can't tell what i'm feeling. i guess, its just me.. i don't feel comfortable letting everyone know everything, like transparent or something. embarrassed. but i do cry quite easily, being touched and all.. i cry during movies, random times when i think of sad things..
i bought 2 books today : "I told the mountain to move" and "boundaries before marriage" both christian ones. those were the only 2 which i liked, out of 3 whole shelves! at borders, melbourne central. i'm really weird, some books i just don't like the font, or the paper colour, or the texture.. they all affect my mood to read, seriously..
"cherlyn is such a bitch man, she didn't wish me happy birthday.but i don't care la, quite happy actually because it means she's angry with me.. haha cos i kept talking about you.."contradicting? but it's natural. afterall, you were ex-es.
i practised violin today! i'm going to show him the rachel i was in singapore, the violinist.. hope i do well, if i join the competition and he comes and watch =)
sigh i miss you,
i really do
10:02 PM.
