Wednesday, May 16, 2007
i always wonder, well sometimes.
why i don't talk to emmanuel like other people.
as in, i can't really imagine "debating" with him and talking jokes/crap..
i'd always wished i could, and it'll be so fun man!
today, i realised i was joking with him naturally! and it just feels great man. like i'm always able to come up with weird stuff, make cool jokes but somehow i don't do it with him? i've no idea why but probably some internal thing in me that he's different and i shouldnt make a fool of myself? i seriously don't know! it's not something you'd think about at that time right? anyway, i'd just always looked back at the times of us together and yeah, we hardly "debated". you know like fun-fights? so sweet right. i'm just going to do that nowadays la! be natural girl :)
i realise i've changed lately. like i've become more open? i don't know what he feels reading my blog. whether its someone he never knew? whether it makes him interested in me more? or maybe generate some negative feelings? i've no idea. but. i think i just need to be me. since he loves me, he'll love me for who i am.. but still i wonder sometimes.
in school for example, i just say what i think. like when kelvin puts on his smug front, and end up wrong, i'll suan him. or like the other day at the library. andrew left first to save seats for us. we told PJ to go with him but PJ was lazy and even asked andrew to help him take the handouts for him. then i said
EH! you one kind la
ask andrew go and save places for us
not only that, ask him to take notes for you
then you stand here do nothing?
why not go and help him
then PJ was "oh yeah, now i feel bad. okay la"
py and mel were like great job rachel!
and i didn't know what happened.
as in, it just struck me. did i scold him? it didnt feel like it.
Oops.
this ain't rachel?
7:39 PM.
