Saturday, May 26, 2007
every morning, the first thing i do. is check my singapore line.
every evening, the last time i do, is check my sg line too.
every break after lecture, i check my line
everytime i walk home, i check my line
i'm thinking about him all the time.
recently he's sick, i feel worried. and the thing is, he doesnt message me. i guess, yes i cant blame him. he's sick, maybe dont feel like messaging, or its too tiring or something like that. but, i don't know. i can't help feeling disappointed. you know what i mean? like when he wakes up, does he think of messaging me? just to reassure me that he's alright? yes he was playing piano so didnt reply me.. i understand. sometimes i want to "get it all correct" before i do anything, even checking the phone or eating something etc. but, couldnt he let me know before practising? it's like he's waiting for me to check on him. i keep checking my line, i go online, i sms him.. what else can i do? i even have to go ask gab sometimes if emmanuel's gaming? or sleeping? or is he okay? because emmanuel's not replying me. sigh.
i tell him where i'm going, what i'm doing.. i'm trying to be the best girlfriend. no matter whether he does it back to me or not.. i'll try not to leave him worried about me, like talking hostilely or something before sleeping, or not communicating with him at usual times, or not replying his sms etc.
sometimes he disappoints me. like today and yesterday. can you imagine i was freaking out, worried sick about him.. checked my line so many times and he didnt sms me at all.. until noon, i couldn't take it and smsed him.. and he was pangya-ing. okay. i was happy yes because he's healthy enough to play but also.. felt abit cheated. you know what i mean? sigh. i really don't like him and his dots. its so condescending sheesh man. he says it so often that i myself start to use it and i hate it. so i've been consciously stopping myself from using it.. and his vulgar language. [dots man] nice guys i know.. actually restrict themselves from swearing in front of girls. how gentlemanly is that? emmanuel has been saying f*** more often now and he doesnt care. i bring it up but its no issue.
can't he treat me like his girlfriend. and treat me differently? its good to be himself but also, sometimes i'd rather he make an effort to be nicer to me. stop saying f words, stop saying dots and making me feel so restricted while talking to him. message me to tell me about himself. and for goodness sake, LOOK AFTER HIMSELF. thats really "DOTS" man. he's having a bad throat, still wanna force himself to sing, still want to eat bachormee, ask me to "f***" the sorethroat bugs away, help himself first man. i really have no idea what goes on his head. spare a thought for me, please? i have exams now too and you're not helping.
i'm disappointed again.
10:46 AM.
