Sunday, April 15, 2007
he's so sick,
he's forever sick..
now it's a bad sore throat and hurting cough..
sigh why.
i don't understand you know, why can't he take care of himself?
i hate sounding like a nag,
but i really really don't get him.
he went out to play dota with friends at cathay, and after his game.. he told me that he hadn't eaten lunch and dinner. sigh like what the hell. i know i swear alot on my blog, but who cares right? i can say and type whatever i want without getting judged. i got a little mad la honestly. why in the world doesn't he care about his body? i'm like feeling so worried sick about him, and he's not eating. why? because he's not hungry. doesn't he know his stomach is so weak? doesn't he know that he's sick? doesn't he know that i'm not around all the time? doesn't he know that i can't always be there to cure him..... sigh.
and this morning, he went out.. to eat ba chok mee (?). when i heard, i was like thinking in my heart.. sheesh man emmanuel, for goodness sake. isn't that oily? although yes its not fried stuff but its still oily.. what's wrong with the boy man? doesn't he know what he can eat and what he cannot? or am i just assuming everyone knows just because i myself know. if i had a sore throat, what i'd eat is porridge and vietnamese beef noodle soup. sigh, why doesn't he care about himself? i didn't say anything because i'd hate to be a nag. he's probably already scolding and feeling sian about me saying things about him.. but what to do! my boyfriend is just so.. sigh. i care about him thats why i'm so concerned.
i asked him whether he took his medication, and he said no use one la, so i said so he's not taking it? and then he said alright he'll eat. like wth man! it's no use so dont want to eat? emmanuel heng! now i know why you're so weak.. doctor give you medication, you don't have to recover immediately right? and besides, will it hurt to take it? you'll only benefit if there's any change! sigh. argh rachel stop grumbling. i'm not grumbling, i'm just saying what i feel so i'll feel better. i can't tell him all these, or he'll just switch off and "ya da ya da ..." moreover, he had a long day, dotaing and all.. so tired and the last thing he wants will be nagging from his girlfriend.
i feel so useless you know
and i just stare and listen in disbelief at what he does sometimes.
guess that's one of his bad points,
he'll only do what he wants to do.
he likes ba chor mee, so he'll eat no matter whether he's sick or not.
he likes dota, so he'll play even though he has a test the next day.
although yes i guess he can study quickly but still..
he doesn't have that much self-discipline regarding what he likes.
i'm not scolding him,
just helping myself to understand my boyfriend better.
no matter how he is,
whether he looks after himself or not etc..
it's not going to weaken my love for him.
i love him for who he is.
it's just that i feel a little sad, that he's getting weaker by all that medication.. and whenever i picture him sick, it just hurts.
i just want him to be strong and healthy.
can't he understand and become like that?
i know it must be so uncomfortable to be sick and of course he wants to recover soon
but his actions don't show it.
ahh, oh well.
sometimes, i really don't know what to do with him.. sigh.
but i still love him very much.
12:47 AM.
