Tuesday, April 24, 2007
i'm so damn tired.
been looking for professors to sign my absence form but NO one can be found.
i went everywhere man.. for about 1.5 hours!
in the end.. just come home la, nothing can be done.
sheesh.
i'm having a splitting headache.
i don't know if i should go, how?
it seriously sucks man.
this is crazy and i hate being like this.
argh. this sucks.
it's like, i want to go.
or perhaps rachel, you're still living in the past.
get real!
what in the world.
i need to think.. you dont have time.
what the hell.
i really think it's a great opportunity to go.
the recognition, the experience, the everything.
but, the thing is.. DO YOU DESERVE IT?
can you go, rach?
are you still fit to be that violinist everyone knows? or knew.
IF i'm still doing music, been going for lessons etc. then yes definitely rachel. GO.
but!!
the thing is YOU'RE NOT.
FREAK MAN.
you aren't that pro violinist anymore.
i'm so hopeless man.
it's so difficult to just cut music just like that, out of my life!
it just keeps haunting me.
IF i stayed on.. so many things could happen.
really, but because i left.
BECAUSE I WENT FOR MEDICINE.
here i am.
but again, because i went for medicine, i met my emmanuel.
sigh.
what the heck RACHEL RACHEL RACHEL.
why are you like this.
but i think i want to go..
then you come back to melbourne and confirm fail.
yay =)
sheesh man!
what happens during the trip?
will i need to play something for the rest?
i'm no where near them definitely!
how?
im singapore's representative leh.
but then again..
sigh.
it really is embarrassing.
like people see you so hyped up, so happy about something.
and the next moment,
you change your mind.
and it's just back to what it was before.
everything's just gone.
like freak man!
it's like, you're happy over.. nothing?
dots man.
thats the word.
and again, in this troubled times..
who can i talk to?
no one.
haha rach.
many friends ya?
damn hopeless.
can't even get one person to sit down and talk with?
hopeless shit.
maybe god?
i had a dream last night.
there was a door, with a very bright light
and i became scared,
thought flashed in my mind.. God?
just when i asked him to speak to me last night.
will there be more?
2:57 PM.
