Friday, April 6, 2007
i felt disappointed
well i'm feeling disappointed
how about, i felt and am still feeling disappointed.
yes that's it.
just a small matter rachel, forget it.
messaged him this morning while he was at church. yes of course i knew he was having service, but i just wanted to make him happy and message him more.
because i miss his messages too but anyway, yeah so i asked him some questions, talked about him not being too skinny.. fasting for how long.. etc. i just kept typing, like what i used to do last time when he was at bmt and wasn't with his handphone. i wasn't expecting him to reply at all. as in there and then. i wasn't expecting to have a "conversation" with him then.
and you know what, he didn't reply.
not at all.
how depressing is that? and not only didn't sms me back,
even to my singapore no, but didn't leave any offline messages too =(
i thought.. i could put that expecting heart in his hands, although i'd always always prepared myself for someone not replying me.. but i figured this time, with him it's different. he will never fail me, and it can hurt.
looking at the phone,waitingwaitingwaitingfinally gives up.only when i've finally accepted the fact that he didn't reply, then i'll change back to my melbourne hp.imagine doing that, 4 times. getting hurt 4 times approximately every hourly.. is sad.
usually i change lines in school many times, and although i could have changed 5 times and not get a reply, it's not so bad. because i was just hoping for him to drop me a message and was prepared that he didn't. but this time, i was waiting for a simple reply. it was a reply. not a message.. argh,
it's not a big deal rachel, forget it! relax... he didn't reply me yesterday either.
sigh it's probably stress
that's making me like this.
i've so many things to do you know
like what the heck
i've 2 weeks of PBS to catch up on
hp readings
the paternalism assignment which has SO many sources
i'm so screwed.sheesh. rachel, stop swearing.
4:14 PM.
