Tuesday, April 3, 2007
i'm so sad.
i really am broken
i don't care if i'm crying now.
it just sucks
why
why
why
why
why
why
he just manages to find fault with me all the time. it's nothing wrong! what the heck. sigh. i know it's because he loves me so much but.. i can't help but feel so sad and broken when he scolds me and says "i'll never learn" and " i never try" i can't stand it man
it feels better when i "scold" him back. i don't care man.
my goodness its the first time i've cried until like that.
i can't stand how he can scold me forever and i just take it?
i just cant bear to say goodnight and cut off everything
i just end up listening to all of his crap
why the heck am i so nice?
scold him man. just do it rachel. show him
i'm not taking all your crap
it's just a small matter
and ended up like that?
i must defend myself or else it'll just be accumulating and i'm so unjustly dealt with.
i hate being scolded wrongly
like i don't care
i'm so stupid, dumb, etc.
haha glad it's almost done.
i've always wanted to say all that to him man.
finally i'm "angry" hahaha. interesting
but thats who i am
its interesting how we can fight and still use dear etc.
tones it down a little.
=)
thank god.
we always have lingering conclusions. funny man. but at least he feels different from when we first started.. and i'm glad, that we got through this.
he finally knows that i'm afraid he'll break up with me because of my own mistakes.
i cried until like that.. because i love him so much
and it hurts extra more when the person you love, scolds you so much.
at least i ended the convo scolding myself, how i aint girlfriend material, how i hate myself etc. he can see that i truly love him. thank god.
actually, i'm glad that it happened. it strengthened us, helped us to understand each other better.. and also, it brought us closer. we seemed to be drifting a little lately, what with his dota-ing and we not having things to say.. problems/fights are great. in a way. =)
oh well.
goodnight? i dont know if i should sleep. got tons to do! shit man. and my eyes will die tmr.. how. sigh. see how it goes. i'm too vain to go school with puffed eyes. seriously.
11:12 PM.
